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It's a well-known fact. Men just don't understand women. We as men are partly at fault for not trying to understand sometimes, but I think women are mostly to blame. Not that it's you guys' fault, it's just that women are sooo wildly different. But that's not the purpose of this blog post, so I'll just leave it at that.
The purpose of this post is to kick-off a new series I'm calling "Men Would Like to Know". Since females are so different, all we can do is hedge our bets on the consensus response and hope for the best. So in this series I'll be asking questions that men have in order to find out what most women think. I'm also retroactively adding a couple of previous posts to the series: the name-calling post from two weeks ago and the month-old nutty buddy post. So without further ado...
Some people believe that the beginning of the end of a man's life begins when he gets down on one knee and asks those popular 4 words, "Will you marry me?" This is followed by him pulling out that coveted black box with a rock that she can't wait to show off to her girls (whispering: "he went to Jared..."). If all goes well, she accepts the ring & says "Yes!" (in that order), and they are officially engaged. Now, I'm here to ask if the diamond engagement ring really is necessary.Before you get too bent out of shape, hear me out first. The engagement ring is something that guys in the Western culture give to their bride-to-be out of tradition. I don't think anybody really knows why they are doing it. And because it's tradition, women have come to expect it. But would a woman marry a man who didn't give her a ring?
Let's look at the safety issue first. Popular culture has dictated that the man is supposed to spend one to two month's salary on the ring. Depending on how he stacks his paper, that could turn into a fairly expensive ring (I can see the ladies nodding & cheesing in excitement). Now, his fiancée is walking around daily with thousands of dollars on her left ring finger. Sure that keeps (most) dudes from hollerin' at her, but what if she was robbed? That'd be the first thing the thief would go after because it's easy to conceal and easy to pawn. Even if getting robbed is an unlikely situation, think of it this way. How comfortable would a girl be walking around with the cash equivalent in her purse?
So let's say she's willing to take a shank in the abs in order to have her finger blinging like Ca$h Money, but let's say he isn't ballin'. He's not dirt poor, but dropping a few G's on a ring isn't exactly in his monthly budget. Now if they are talking about marriage, it's safe to assume that she knows about his current financial state. It's likely that in order to get his honeydip that ring she desires, he'll have to incur some appreciable debt. I'd say if a girl is willing to let her man go into debt just for a diamond on her finger, her head isn't in the right place. To me, that sets a materialistic precedent that can be difficult to break. Moreover, what she's failing to realize is that once they are married, what was once his debt becomes their debt. Is starting of the marriage in debt worth it?Let's flip the script and say that dude has money and has been living rather comfortably as a bachelor (no he's not the Black Bill Gates). Two month's salary for him is going to be a decent snack for his little bunny rabbit. But what if instead he'd rather spend that $15k on a tighter wedding (more guests, better food at the reception, etc.), on a longer & more romantic honeymoon, or towards their new life together (nice lil' down payment on a house)? In all those cases, more than just the fiancée is benefiting. Isn't that better than just her being iced out?
There are other issues, such as the likelihood of her misplacing the ring or the fact that it seems as if he's buying her love ("it's a symbol of our love!"), but those are minor and I don't really want to get into them.
So ladies, what do you think? Would you say "yes" to your man if he didn't have the little black box in tow? Would you walk down the isle with your beau if you had never felt carat weight on your left ring finger? Men would like to know...
Feel free to leave your comments as well as fill out the poll on the right-hand side of the blog. Fellas, if you have any questions you'd like me to ask in this series, hit me up at ben@benmvp.com.
Update: You gotta watch this engagement prank. It's simply hilarious. This guy set up his best friend by putting up a fake marriage proposal from his friend while his friend's girlfriend was there. She actually said "yes" before the friend could explain he had nothing to do with it...
Update #2: Check out the imported facebook note version of this blog entry for many more comments on this topic.
7 comments:
I personally could care less about a ring or a wedding. Jewelry isn't really my thing and I don't need a piece of paper to prove my love for my man.
But one can't deny the beatuy of the ring and what it initially represented, especially when it's applied to love. In which case, if there was a ring involved I would much rather appreciate a simple, delicate band that symbolizes what true love should be all about: eternity.. with the hollow center symbolizing the gate that leads to the unknown.
Unfortunately we live in a materialistic society where big rocks and short-lived marriages are totally hot right now.
Chuch! real eloquent with it Mr. MVP!
Good question Ben, but can I have a follow up. Do women believe that how much a man spends on a ring is an actual determinant of how much he loves you?
Hey Ben, nice blog. Just wanted to throw out my own experience on the matter, if it gives you any insight. I was briefly engaged to a man I had been seeing for about 6 months. We got engaged spontaneously during an intimate conversation we had one a date one night. We (and the bottle of wine between us) agreed that we would make the perfect married couple, and so the next thing I knew, he was on the phone to his dad saying, "guess what Dad? I'm engaged!" There was no ring at the time, and I didn't get one till about a month later (at his insistance). He's a traditional guy... We ended up breaking the engagement 2 months after the ring was given alongside a more traditional "re-proposal". (I gave it back when we split. Proper etiquette, period). No sparks. Point being, I always felt that the ring was more of a way for a man to mark his woman; let the world know that she's off the market. I think the whole sparkly factor helps the ladies feel better about being "branded", if you will. To me, the ring is simply an easily removable version of the "I heart (insert name here)" tattoo so common with residents of trailor parks and some celebrities. It will always mean something different to every recipient and every giver. It's up to the individual couple to figure out.
The tradition behind engagement rings began back in the day before women were allowed to get jobs and were considered to be a man’s property, first her father’s and then her husband’s.
Back then the man would receive the woman’s dowry (basically her father paying the man to take her off his hands) and the man would present her with a ring in order to show her family that he was financially capable of supporting his new bride (hence the tradition of using a salary to gage the price of the ring, the more spent on it the more the family was reassured that he would be able to afford to have a wife). More often then not the woman’s dowry was significantly higher than the cost of the ring she was presented with so that they would not start their lives in debt. Because women were not allowed to have their own money and not allowed to own their own property that ring was a means of reassuring her that she had someone willing to provide for her.
As all things do, society evolved and while some of the traditions remain, the meaning is lost. I agree with you that demanding a ring is materialistic and that if a woman truly loves him that she would not care if there was a rock on her finger. But it is something that needs to be negotiated between couples. If they are unable to decide and compromise on a ring than they do not have much of a foundation to compromise on real life issues. Both the man and woman’s expectations and ideals have to be taken into account. If she is the kind of girl who says no ring no go, then he is better off looking for someone else to love.
It's very Beautiful!The New Year is coming,and I wish you have a good jewelry for yourself. Your view is very different.jewelry stores are very important in our life,wholesale jewelry are the same ,the women like to buy it in Jewelry stores .We are know this year is almost ended ,the new year is coming. We expect the New Year comes !
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