Women Would Like to Know: Dang, can I get more than a text message?

So it was 3 weeks ago that I brought up the topic of ambiguous dates. I'm not really sure if anything was resolved though. Early dating is so far into the gray area because it all depends on the feelings, intentions, and expectations of both parties, which could differ drastically.

The dude could think it's definitely a date because he likes her, wants to pursue things with her, and paid for the outing, while she just sees him as a friend, only wants to be friends, and thought him paying was just him being a "gentleman." In the end, I don't think there are any broad generalizations that can be made to signify "dateness." It really is just a case-by-case basis type of thing.

Now on to the 4th episode of the "Women Would Like to Know" series...

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So I've had a number of females complain about the dudes they were talking to using text messaging as their primary means of communication. These include text messages like "hey, how are you doing?" or "what are you up to tonight?" or "you wanna go out Friday night?" or even more open-ended questions. Dude would rather send 50 text messages back and forth, than have a 5-minute phone convo.

Now I personally really don't like to text message (although that may be changing with my new iPhone) because I only get 200/month and I have like 2,000 rollover minutes. But I think I can offer up some suggestions as to why dudes prefer tapping on the phone versus talking on it. Keep in mind that I'm just talking about when people are just "talking" or in the early dating stage. I'm not talking about couples filling bakeries daily.

The dude's fault

The Sidekick: the arch nemesis of a woman

Most guys just don't like to talk on the phone. In the beginning, talking on the phone is simply a means to being able to meet up in person where the playing field is a bit more even. So if we feel like we can accomplish that without calling and via text message, then we'll definitely do that. The problem for those ladies who really want the phone conversation is that there are plenty of females who let us get away with texting, so it teaches us "bad habits."

And even if we did like to talk on the phone, we're clearly outmatched. Girls are like phone experts because you get all kinds of practice gossiping with your girlfriends. We get little to no practice cuz we hardly talk to each other on the phone. We might call each other up to ask a question ("Oh shot, did you see that game?!"), but we're definitely not choppin' it up on the "hey man, how are you feeling?" tip. In fact, if it weren't for gchat and facebook, I wouldn't even know what half of my homies were up to at all. It's just how it is.

So then the ladies expect us to sustain an engaging conversation for tens of minutes with no practice before really knowing anything about you? That's about as comfortable as sitting on a cushioned seat right after someone else had just gotten up from it and it's still warm. We just feel a bit uneasy. But on text message, we can be more bold and less fearful of rejection because being turned down doesn't result in an awkward conversation. If we get the "naw, I'm busy this weekend" response, then we just don't text back and keep it moving.


The girl's fault

A guy & girl talking early on is like me battling Kimbo Slice

I don't know if I can really call this the "girl's fault," but it's not really our fault, so you're the only ones left to "blame." Basically, if we are only texting you, then that means that we're not really feeling you (or at least you're not a starter on our team). Sounds kinda harsh, but it's the truth. If I'm feelin a girl, I'm definitely gonna make the extra effort to talk to her on the phone because I actually do want to get to know her. Plus I know that it's kinda expected of me if I'm seriously trying to holla.

But if it's someone we're iffy about or just not really feeling (but would like to keep around on the bench in case some of the starters underperform), then we really don't want to talk on the phone. We'd rather text to accomplish our goal. If you don't respond, oh well, no big deal. But if you do hit us back, then we got what we wanted with very little effort on our part.

Like I said, girls are pros, so if you match a pro up with an disinterested amateur, the results are worse than me stepping in the ring with Kimbo Slice. It could certainly end in disaster. If we tried to have a phone convo when we aren't even that hype, we'll probably just come off as boring or uninteresting. We don't want that.

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There are other situations in which text messaging occurs. If we're trying to ask a quick question that essentially warrants a yes or no response, there's no point in calling. In fact calling and hanging up 30 seconds later could be even more awkward. Also, if we're occupied (in a meeting, around other people, with another girl, etc.) or feel that she might be, then texting is really the only option.

But I'm curious as to the prevalence of this issue. I've only heard it from a couple of ladies so far, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's something that has frustrated most. I just hope that I didn't ruffle too many feathers. And there are probably other reasons why dudes resort primarily to text messaging. If so, women would like to know...

Update: Check out the facebook note version of this blog entry for many more comments on this topic.

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This is somewhat related, but Mylan Beauford from Fanscape, Inc. hit me up about two weeks ago asking me to help publicize this new widget called The Ultimate Flirting Championship. From what I've gathered, you enter into a competition in which you have to "outflirt" a member of the opposite sex given a set of questions from "The Judge." I'm by no means advocating that this widget is even good, let alone tight, but since Mylan actually took the time to read my blog and contact me, I'll give his widget a shoutout: