Do You Trust Me?

Dear BenMVP,

From your blog posts, you seem to have a very dysfunctional love life, so I was thinking that maybe you've been in a similar situation to the one I'm about to tell you, and possibly could give me some advice. If not, then maybe your readers could help out.

So me and my girl Delilah were chillin' at her place. I was watching TV, while she was reading Cosmo/Glamor/Redbook. You know, one of those popular women's magazines that's like 90% waste of paper. Anyway, while I was watching D-Wade's ridiculous behind-the-back alley-oop to Kobe, she asked me if I would be willing to exchange our Gmail, facebook, myspace, and Black Planet (yea, I still have one of those) passwords. Completely outta the blue.

This should be banned reading material

It turns out that the article she was reading talked about the multiple ways that dudes cheat. Apparently we don't only cheat physically (i.e., hooking up with another woman), but we also cheat visually (looking a lil' too long at that chick in the tight red dress as she twerk-walks away) and verbally (flirting with other women, but not actually doing anything with them). With the new digital age, dudes are finding electronic ways to cheat verbally via emails, IMs, and pokes from social networking sites like facebook. The magazine suggested that if there is true trust in a relationship, there should be no problem with both parties having access to each other's emails and other accounts.

Without going into too much detail, let's just say I refused strongly. Not that I had anything to hide, but it just seems kind of violating. I mean, I should have some "me" space, right? But of course she got mad, assuming I did have something to hide and we had a big huge fight. Later that night after I got sent home, for the sake of peace, I relented and gave her my passwords (I had some time to delete early gamemumums with some females while me and Delilah were still "talking").

But finally, to my problem. Ever since we exchanged passwords, I find myself periodically "checking up on her." I resist the urge sometimes, but other times I just can't. I don't think I'm looking for anything specific, but I do check her private messages and see if she's involved in a "poke war" with some other dude. I haven't seen anything, so I kinda feel guilty for looking now. Having the access is driving me nuts. I sometimes wish I didn't have it. But I can't stop! What should I do??? Why'd she make me do this??

Please help,
Samson

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Dumb-Dumb Samson,

I definitely have not been in your situation, but I can understand your situation, so I'll still try to help.

Your first mistake was not guilt tripping her the first time she asked you to swap passwords. You should've said something like "well if you trust me then you shouldn't need my passwords." In fact, asking you proves that she doesn't trust you. Although, I definitely agree with you that you should have your personal space and shouldn't have given her your passwords, just saying no makes you look extra suspicious.

Trust is the center of every good releationship

Obviously your biggest mistake was actually giving her your passwords. In addition to all the problems you already mentioned, even if you personally don't do anything shady, you could still get got if thirsty females hit you up. Now you'll have to make sure to delete those "boy u so sexii" myspace messages or hide the facebook pokes before she gets a chance to see them (cuz we all know she's looking) or they'll be all kinds of holleration in this dancerie. That's not a good look.

My suggestion? Change your passwords. It's pretty obvious that you guys have some trust issues seeing that she actually asked for your passwords and you're actively using hers. Yeah, she'll probably be a lil' more than curious as to why you changed your passwords, but it could actually give you some leverage. You can turn the tables on her asking why she's even looking at your e-mail and/or myspace messages, particularly if she asks you soon after you've changed 'em. This also gives you a chance to use the "if you trust me then you shouldn't need my passwords" argument I explained earlier. But then you guys need to have a serious discussion about why you don't trust each other.

You also gotta stop snooping all up in her accounts as well. That's kinda lame. If you don't have enough self control, then you'll have to just have her change her passwords and not tell you what they are. All snooping's going to do is lead to an unhealthy, untrusting relationship. Plus, you don't wanna be worrying about her every move. That would make you an old hag. That's not a good look either.

Well tell me how it goes,
BenMVP

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So fellas, what would you do to get out of Samson's situation? Would you even give your girl your passwords? And ladies, why do you think Delilah asked for his passwords? Would you ask your man for his? Would you give yours to him if he asked?

This blog post is purely fictional. For educational purposes only.

Update: Check out the facebook note version of this blog entry for many more comments on this topic.